LA Date Buffet

Small town gal dating in the big City of Angels. Follow me as I go on all kinds of dates & even help choose my adventures. Los Angeles is a giant buffet of men & I’m hungry to start sampling!


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LADB #19

Now that I’m drinking again, Ryan couldn’t wait to share a bottle of wine with me.  So he invited me over to his condo for a couple glasses.  The evening began a little less stiff than the first time, but we still sat in adjacent chairs, er, well, he sat in a chair…I sat on the table bench next to him.  Two glasses or so in he starts getting bold & holding/playing with my hand.  

I steal his iPad to play DJ & then he decides to stand behind me & kiss the back of my neck & my shoulders.  I didn’t acknowledge it, but I must say, his beard followed by lips felt really nice.  Then he decides he wants to sit behind me (um….where?!).  He scootches up behind me & makes his way to straddle me while I’m being pushed further to the edge of the bench.  Hey, I get more shoulder kisses & a short-lived shoulder massage.  I’m OK with this.  

After a while, Ryan gets up to get himself some water.  I ask for some as well, as I planned on heading home soon.  After getting me some, he plops himself down on his couch & tells me I should stay the night.  Ha.  Um, no.  I thanked him for the offer, but assured him, though slightly tipsy, I’m perfectly fine to drive.  (I had been pacing myself & sipped my wine quite slowly for just this very reason.)  He fights me on it, telling me he’ll be a perfect gentleman.  Well, as one with perfectly gentlemanly intentions, he should understand that I am a lady & therefore won’t be staying.  He actually did offer to call me a cab, but I reassured him I’ll be fine to drive.  Then he gets into a silly ramble about how he doesn’t date around, thusly indicating that, even though it’s been almost a month since we’ve seen each other, I’m the only one he’s got his sights on.  Poor man.  I just have my sights on his wallet.  Don’t get me wrong, he was a far cry better to spend time with this time around, but, yeaaaah….I don’t see much in the way of “us” happening.  

That was pretty much it for the evening.  We kissed a bit & he mentioned he’s planning on going to Hawaii next month…& even excitedly, yet vaguely, said I should go with him.  Hey, if he pays, I’ll spend a weekend there on his dime!  Hell yeah!  What the odds are of him actually following through on that for me are, I’m sure are super small, but I’m also not going to dismiss the idea.  

Perfect gentleman, my ass.  I had to demand he walk me out to my car.  Ugh.  Men.  Good thing I wasn’t planning on staying.  

xx

Lilly Cat


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Psycho

After ignoring a few texts from Justin, I received one more yesterday afternoon, so decided to give him the courtesy of letting him know I wasn’t romantically interested.  Mistake?

Immediately I was bombarded by a series of texts asking why & to tell him or else he’ll blow up my phone from not only his number, but several other numbers because he’s crazy.  Yes, he actually threatened me & said he, himself, was crazy.  You don’t say?!  I responded with “haha No threats, dude.  It’s an attraction & intellectually stimulation issue”.  He starts demanding I tell him the truth & inquiring what about him isn’t attractive & asking over & over if it’s that I’m not attracted to him.  Taking the high road, knowing I’ve just bruised this insecure little fuck’s ego, I tell him that I feel I’m smarter & more mature than he is & that I’m currently only interested in dating men who are more financially generous anyway.  Again, a slew of texts are received.  Before I have a chance to respond to even one of his messages, he begins to tell me how I’m old & ugly.  

This is where I get a bit bitchy & put him in his place by saying, “Hey, little boy, you’re the one who asked & threatened me.  No need to be a whiny brat about it,”.  Unfortunately, this brought on a phone call from him.  At this time, mind you, I had just parked in Ronald’s parking garage, as I agreed to pop over & kick it with him for a little while.  15 minutes I spend, humoring this masochist, going into detail how he’s not attractive to me, meanwhile maintaining that that’s just my own personal opinion, which he should not even think upon.  Repeatedly I hear, “tell me the truth & I’ll leave you alone”.  How many more times & how many ways do you want me to tell you I think you’re an ugly moron?!  I wouldn’t give him that exact satisfaction, as my confrontation mechanism is to become even more diplomatic & PC.  

As it seemed he was starting to finally get it, so I text Ronald to have him come meet me in the garage to let me in.  Then Justin spurts out, “I think this is a race issue.  What did the other cholo look like that you dated before me?”  (Prior to going out with him that one night, Justin had asked if I’d ever dated another Mexican before because he’d had issues with other white girls being racist towards him.  If it’s one thing that thoroughly pisses me off, if you couldn’t tell from my previous experience/blog post with Jerome, it’s to call me a racist…or any kind of a bigot, really.)  Well, since he hit my hot button, I went off, describing Ronald & adding that I was actually at his place as we speak, so fuck him for trying to read between any proverbial non-existent lines!  Justin’s response?  The damn fool wants to see what he looks like!  Hell no!

THEN he proceeds to tell me that he just uses online dating as a way to get laid, but he’s really a pick up artist…a con artist.  At this point, I’m dying laughing.  OOOOkay, buddy!  If you’re just as methodically mechanic when you’re picking girls up off the street as you are by meeting them in person after setting up a date online, I’m thinking the only way you’ve been laid is either rape or some drunk pity fuck.  Thank goodness Ronald was at my door by this time!  “Good luck with that, buddy!  My Mexican is here for me now.  Bye!” & I hung up the phone, throwing myself into Ronald’s arms.  

Damn he looked good!  (He just got a haircut, but I’m sure, especially after dealing with that idiot, even if his hair was still shagging in his eyes, he’d still look delicious to me.)  Unlike the last time, this time his kiss was wonderful, voracious, & soft, yet intense.  Damn me & my hormones!  

It was nice to catch up with him.  I finally called Ronald out on having a tendency to not look me in the face when he talks after he started to, telling him I really like it when he looks at me.  From there on out, he always looked at me while speaking.  Good!  He is learning!  While catching up on what’s going on in his world with his job, family having moved to Las Vegas, his living situation (he’s getting his own place by the middle of next month), & his psycho roommate – she’s pregnant & has barricaded herself in her room for 2 weeks, not leaving to eat/shower/pee/feed or walk her dogs & has since lost a tremendous amount of weight – Ronald has tried to help her & the dogs but she fights him on it constantly to the point where he’s about to call animal control & hence him moving out, Justin continued to blow up my phone, as promised, until I finally just blocked his number.  Now we’ll wait to see if he makes good on his other promise to harass me from different numbers.  24hours later & nothing new, so, so far, so good!

Ronald & I ended up watching movies all night: Warm Bodies, A Haunted House, & Identity Thief.  The second one was hysterical.  Bravo, Marlon Wayans, bravo!  Ronald mentioned multiple times how he’s missed me, loves my kisses & my ass, & really wants to see me much more than we have been seeing each other.  A couple times I found myself feeling a shred of guilt & missing Aaron, but shook that out of my head to enjoy the moment.  Aaron owes me for that damn cheek move.  Besides, I’ve decided that my desire to be with someone wholly is a mixture of my PMSing & being away from my family at the holidays.  Once this week is over with, I’ll be back to my determined, head-on-my-shoulders, happily single self again!  I hope!

I ended up staying the night with Ronald, since it was late & we had been enjoying each other’s company.  I suppose, since this is a tell-all blog, I should mention that we did have sex once again.  I decided, “well, we’ve been there before & I have been raging horny all week, & I’m enjoying his company for what it is at the moment anyway, so why not?”.  Oh, I remembered “why not” about 20 minutes later.  I’m left still sexually frustrated!  He even knew that, by asking afterward if I had came.  Nope.  He seemed concerned, but not nearly as much as he should have been.  At least he cuddled & kissed me all night long.  But seriously, buddy?!  Gaaaahh!!!!

Note to self: fuck buddies should only be maintained if they are serving MY purpose!  

I’ll figure this out at some point.

xx,

Lilly Cat


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LADB #18

I was supposed to meet potential sugar daddy, Dustin, for dinner at Firefly last night at 8:30.  Aaron was supposed to head north to Sacramento for the weekend to see his family for Christmas.  He decided to stay in town one more night because his friends’ band was playing at the Whiskey A Go Go.  Partially out of my curious liking of him & partly out of sheer nervousness about meeting a potential sugar daddy, I texted him to wish him a fun night.  To my secret hope, he asks me to go with him.  What time?  8pm.  Dammit.  I really wanted to get free dinner that night, since it’d been a few days & I was starving!  

I hit up Dustin, since I hadn’t heard from him all day anyway, to make sure we were still on for dinner.  His response: “want to meet later in the week?”.  I responded with “haha yes”.  Perfect.  Good thing I asked, seeing as it looks like I would have gotten all dolled up & traveled to Studio City for nothing.  Had I also turned down another opportunity to see Aaron (& show off how cute I looked in public), I would have been pissed.

What was I wearing, you may ask?  My red suede, studded 6″ heels, skinny white jeans with rips/holes all down the front, & a black lacey halter top.  Simple, yet sexy.  & Aaron actually acknowledged, for the first time, that I looked nice…upon my welcoming him into my apartment for the first time, too!

To our disappointment, his friends’ show had a cover of $15-20.  Aaron texted me this & asked if I wanted to do something else.  I called him with my response, to make sure it wasn’t misconstrued.  I wanted to seem like the nice, caring girl that I am, but also let him know that I was not paying for that, so I told him he’s welcome to go do that & we can just see each other when he gets back from Sacramento.  It worked.  To my delight, he said that he’d rather just stay around here & do something more low key with me.  

So he came over & we (mostly me) cooked up a nice, quick dinner, then poured ourselves each a glass of wine.  We hung out a bit while he terrorized my cat.  We walked to The Brick Yard bar to play a game of shuffleboard.  He’d never played before, so I explained how the game works while he ordered us each a beer.  I snagged two random people to play with us from the bar & made it guys against girls (that way he & I could still stand next to each other & enjoy each other’s company).  

Talk about beginner’s luck!  This girl & I were kicking the guys’ asses until we ended up keeping the game at bay, one point away from winning, while he began racking up points, only to beat us exactly 21-20.  He actually pulled out some stunts I didn’t even think were possible.  Well, let’s face it, neither did he.  Every time I would send one of his weights flying off the table or I’d beat him & rack up points or even when he had a bad throw, he’d groan in goofy frustration & abruptly walk a few steps away from the game, grabbing his hair.  Note, this may come across as a red flag the way I’m writing it, but it was truly all done in jest.  Yes, he’s competitive like myself & still has a bit of boyish charm about him, but it was obvious to the observer that he was just having fun.  

Once the game was over, we retreated back to his place to finish off the bottle of wine & catch him up on The Walking Dead.  While I’m already caught up, I will never turn down an opportunity to watch it again.  It’s one of my favorite shows!  Having taken that time off from work really has effected my tolerance…big time!  One glass of wine at home, a beer at the bar, & another glass of wine at Aaron’s & I was already buzzed & ended up passing out during the second episode that he put on.  In fact, I don’t even remember him putting on the second episode!  This morning he told me he repositioned me so I could sleep comfortably on his bed (we watch his computer screen by sitting on his bed widthwise against the wall).  

This morning was cut short by a phone call from Topaz to let me know my car was blocking her’s in our tandem garage.  Gods, how I hate tandem parking!  It wouldn’t be so bad if I had a spare key to my car, but seeing as it’s a VW with a microchip in it, a spare is going to cost me at least $275.  Guess I’ll have to put that on my gold digger list.  Aaron generously offered to drive me back home, despite living 3 blocks down the street from him, so we could move the cars & come back & cuddle faster.  

Once back in his apartment, we quickly got back under the covers, cuddled, & fell asleep for a little while longer.  He awoke, knowing he wanted to be on the road to Sacramento by 11am to hopefully avoid holiday traffic, at 11am.  Ha!  I figured he would be late, having checked the clock before getting back into bed with him, so began to rub his back while my eyes remained closed in a half-sleep.  We hadn’t made out in a while & I was hoping to get to do so again, especially since he’ll be gone all weekend & who knows when he’ll be back (he’s not sure if he’s staying for Christmas with his family or just for the weekend).  

Sidebar: upon my lament the other day of realizing that this is the first Christmas I’m not going to be with my family & how much that actually bums me out, he said that if he is home for Christmas, which he’s thinking he will be, we’ll do something together.  What that could be, I have no idea.  But the sentiment was appreciated.  

So Aaron laid back down & cuddled me more than he’d cuddled me to date.  Not entirely enough, but still way better, so I took it!  He didn’t kiss me, though.  It’s weird.  I feel like I’m almost always initiating the kisses with him…like, we can cuddle together just fine (the little bit that we do), but when it comes to kissing, it’s a bite more rare.  Maybe he’s just holding back since the night when we made out to the point where we weren’t wearing shirts & I said I wanted to take things slow.  I don’t know.  But I figured I’d let him make the first move.  

Well, that never happened.  Instead, he finally decides to get up….& cuddle the damn dog again.  I continued to lay around while he packed his things for the weekend until he said he needed to get going.  I was pretty much ready to go, not having anything to get ready, myself.  He dilly dallied a while more, putting dishes into the dish washer & eating cereal while chatting with me while I skimmed through a Crate & Barrel magazine.  I declined a bowl of cereal & didn’t even bother brushing my teeth, not wanting to hold him up, figuring I’ll just do all that when I get home.  

When he dropped me off at home, he did the oddest thing!  After saying he’d see me when he returned home, we leaned in to kiss/hug goodbye, & to my horror, he gave me the cheek!  Like, he made a blatant move away from my lips so that I ended up kissing him on the cheek before embracing in a hug.  WTF was that about?!  I tried to hide that I was startled & offended, so went to pet/kiss Dogler before leaving the cab of his truck.  He was already embracing her & actually pulled her closer to him, away from me as I went to do so.  Seriously, what was that shit?!  I called him out on that, jokingly teasing about how he loves her, & then walked into my apartment.  

Umm, did I miss something?  The only thing I can possibly think is that he didn’t want to kiss me because I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet.  I know my breath wasn’t bad, but maybe he has a thing with that.  My ex was like that for a while…but he’d at least make a comment about needing to brush his teeth (thusly indicating we both should).  I don’t know.  What I do know, though, is that this undid a bit of the resolution I had to pursue things with him for the time being.  My immediate thought was, “OK, I’m going to definitely continue to date freely, sugar daddy or no.  This guy just lost exclusive privileges with me for a while,”  Not that he had exclusivity with me just yet anyway, but you get what I mean, if you’ve been following along.  

Later on this evening, as I was walking down the street, I saw that a relatively big budgeted movie is being filmed at the laundromat by where we live.  My first thought was to text Aaron this.  Then, after having typed it up, I deleted it.  From the mixed signals of saying he’ll see me when he returns to giving me his cheek upon saying goodbye, well, fuck him.  He gets nothing from me until he initiates contact again & I figure out how to call him out on that.  

Any suggestions?

xx,

Lilly Cat


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Sugar Daddy Debate & the Love of My Life

Thursday night’s date was a much needed get-together with my favorite West Coast gay friend, Johnny.  After work, we filled each other in what’s been up with our lives in the past few weeks it’s been since we’ve seen each other (& the jerk hasn’t been reading my blog, despite my telling him to!).  I really needed to talk to him about my being conflicted about beginning to actually like Aaron, wanting to hold out for Brian (whom I STILL haven’t heard back from since Portland & to whom I sent a Christmas card for him to get while he’s back home with his parents next week that says, among other things & a sappy note I wrote about being excited over the two of us finding each other again, “All I want for Christmas is YOU” – figured that might be a bit of insurance/investment), getting myself into a Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship, & the absolute love of my life: Adolf.  Let’s talk about him.  

Adolf & I go back about 10 years.  During my early college years, I found myself lonely & afraid that now that I had “finally become who I really am” (puuhleeease!), that no one would accept me for the “real” me.  So I began online dating for the first time ever.  It was still relatively new & considered taboo.  Adolf & I began talking & really struck up a great friendship.  Oddly enough, we never met.  We would talk online & on the phone all the time at night.  He was the lead guitarist in a melodic hardcore band & would send me samples of what he’d written & I would pick them apart & tweak them for him.  He took my critiques into consideration & actually implemented some of them (too bad I never saw credit or a thank you in their liner notes).  

Months later I began dating someone who was also involved in the music scene as a guitarist in a band in the same city.  Adolf was aware, as we talked about everything.  One day the guy I was dating invited me to his place & told me that his band was coming to practice there.  I was excited to see/hear the band & pretend I was Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks.  In walks Adolf!  Our jaws hit the floor & as my guy went to introduce us, he says, “THIS is the guy you’re dating?!” & I say, “THIS is the band you’re in?!”  My guy asks, “you guys know each other?”  AWKWARD!!!  We never divulged how we knew each other, so it was just chalked up from having seen each other at shows.  

My guy was so excited about all the fun things we could do together since my dorm wasn’t more than a few minutes away from where he lived, so began making all these plans for us to go on morning runs & grab breakfast together before I had classes & stuff.  Mind you, none of this ever happened, as it was already close to the end of my semester & I was going back to my hometown which was an hour & a half away.  He did come to visit me a few times & I went back to spend weekends with him.  About a month in to dating each other, the band was about to embark on a summer tour.  As can be expected, being young, attractive, in a band, & horny, he decided he wanted to be single.  (Recurring theme: a la Brian.  Gah!)  I was not upset, but moreso confused at his blatant 180 turn he made from his excitement of us.  Oh well.  Adolf & I still kept in touch while they toured.  

3 years later, I was visiting my town for the summer before moving back down to Brooklyn (I had been living in Long Island the year prior for school).  I had no 4th of July plans, & neither did Adolf.  We decided to hang out, one-on-one, for the first time ever.  He booked us a jacuzzi suite hotel room in Niagara Falls, Ontario.  Yeah, true patriotism right there.  I picked him up & we chatted all the way across the border.  Slightly worried about whether or not we’d be able to get across, he told me that when he was younger, his friend stole a car & they were caught drinking in it, so he wasn’t able to get a license until he was 18.  Being in a touring band, he never was obligated to drive, so he just never bothered in getting one.  Luckily we didn’t have any trouble.  We grabbed a couple 6-packs of beer, threw on our swimsuits, & spent the entire night talking, drinking, & having sex.  That was SO uncharacteristic of me.  How bold!  How daring!  What was I thinking?!  

I wasn’t.  I went with my gut.  We clicked on more levels then I had ever thought was humanly possible.  We had an insane connection & truly understood each other.  He, a warped, troubled soul & me, an understanding & previously oppressed one (oppressed, that is, until being able to be myself with him).  I have always prided myself on always being myself.  But I’ve never truly felt more myself than when I was with him.  We fell for each other hard & fast.  I never knew it was possible to feel the way I did with him.  Did he buy me gifts or take me places?  Other than beers at bars, no, not really.  It was just the connection we had.  Unparalleled.  Even still, to this day.  

I moved back to Brooklyn & we still made the time to travel back & forth to see each other.  It wasn’t enough.  We thought that it wouldn’t matter whether I lived there in upstate NY or in Brooklyn because he was on tour 9 months out of the year, but that wasn’t the case.  Having to coordinate schedules between my work/school schedules & his time when he was home, it just became too stressful.  I decided to transfer back upstate to finish school there & be with him.  His mom found an apartment for me just down the road a little ways from them but it wasn’t ready until February, so I moved in with them for the month.  It was amazing.  His parents loved me & took care of me as if I were their own & he & I were together, at last!  

At this time his band was really blowing up & had a really big, important tour approaching.  We had talked about marriage here & there, but never in a truly serious tone.  This was a huge deal for the both of us, as we were both die hard anti-marriage enthusiasts.  Yet, there we were, madly in love with each other & actually able to see a future together.  As the weeks dwindled down to tour commencement, Adolf started getting panicky.  Late one night we stayed up talking about it.  He was absolutely ready & willing to quit the band to stay & build a life with me.  Talk about a girl’s dream come true: the bad boy giving it all up for her!  I couldn’t let him throw his future away on me, though, as badly as I wanted to accept his offer.  I couldn’t bear the thought of one day us getting into a fight about something & him feeling regret & blame towards me for never pursuing what could have been.  He assured me he would never, but I also knew that music was just as much his passion as it was mine & I wanted to be there for him & support him & let him find out what might lay around the corner in the same way I’d want him to do the same for me.  He was very reluctant to go on that tour, but did.  

That was the hardest part of our relationship.  Every night he’d call/text & tell me how much he loved & missed me & how worried he was about the singer in his band, who would routinely consume a 6-pack of beer, handle of Jack Daniels, & 3 lines of coke & then piss himself in his sleep in the back of the van.  He didn’t want to be around this lifestyle any more.  He missed me & he missed home.  I felt a bunch of regret in having let him go & on several occasions we shared tears over the phone & contemplated how to get him home.  

Then our world changed.  I stopped hearing from him & when I did hear from him, it was like I was talking to a totally disengaged, disinterested man who only communicated with me out of obligation.  What happened?!  I was so stressed beyond belief & worried about him as well as us.   After about two weeks of this change, I got into a car accident.  I swerved to avoid an oncoming car & landed my car into a telephone pole down the street.  His dad came to my rescue & brought me back to their place for me to calm down & fix me a sandwich.  I was at my wit’s end.  I burst into tears & asked him if he had known what was going on.  Unfortunately he did not but was quite stoic about it.  He assured me that if things were to be, they would be.

Out of nowhere, Adolf tells me he cheated on me with several women on the road.  I lost my shit.  Thing is, I didn’t believe him.  It was so uncharacteristic of him & didn’t make any sense.  I resolved that he was only trying to push me away to save both of our hearts the aching we were already going through from this tour.  I told him I knew what he was doing.  In an attempt to conceal this, he gave me more & more weird explanations of things he had supposedly done.  Hurt beyond belief, I still refused to believe any of it.  It didn’t feel right in my heart that he would do such things.  I went crazy.  I tried checking in with his mom & best friend.  Stupid girl.  Of COURSE they’re going to side with him, whether they knew what was going on or not.  His best friend did say that it was a total shock to hear these things about him as well & he doubted it, but couldn’t confirm nor deny.  Not long after my incessant inquiries & late night talks with his best friend, he finally told me that what Adolf said was true.  Yet I STILL refused to believe it, knowing in my heart that it was just as I had resolved it to be.  The thing that hurt me more than anything was that, while I knew all of this to be false, I couldn’t wrap my brain around WHY he was doing this.  

A few days after his return from tour he contacted me.  Thus ensued several months of a grueling on & off relationship, intermittent whether he was home or on another tour.  I finally found my strength & forced myself to get over him…by any means necessary.  It took a while to find a healthy means: drowning my sorrows in a several glasses of wine each night, creating a fuck buddy with one of his friends in an attempt to change my focal point & also feel some sort of vindication of wronging him because the guy was a friend of his, to finally getting a cat.  Yep, you read that right.  My cat was my savior.  Why?  Adolf is deathly allergic to them.  I felt that if I had something that physically restrained us from seeing each other that we’d have no choice but to be apart.  Even this didn’t work, as he agreed to see me & try his hardest to make things right, despite her.  

I was forced to finally delete him from my life, altogether: phone number, pictures, mementos when he started being proactively mean to me to push me away.  I was pathetic.  I believed in us still, almost 9 months after the drastic change happened & just couldn’t bring myself to let go of what I knew was the love of my life.  

Fast forward 4 years.  We ended up back in touch after I started seeing his band’s merch guy.  (Yeah, I know…what is it with me & the guys surrounding that band?!  Then again, the scene is super small back home…  To be fair, though, this guy & I met at a bar & it wasn’t until a few days later when I learned how small of a world it was & what he did for a living.)  The merch guy was afraid to mention anything about us seeing each other because he knew we’d dated in the past.  All it took was just one reference of the other (merch dude finally balled up & mentioned we were talking) & we were compelled to see each other again.  Adolf reached out to me.  This marked the end of merch dude’s involvement in my life, as every man was & will always be irrelevant once Adolf is back in the picture.  

We began seeing each other once more.  I slept over several times & kept telling myself to take it with a grain of salt.  Adolf confessed one night as we were laying in bed that he never did cheat on me while we were together & that it all really was just him being messed up & trying to deal with the pain of missing me.  I KNEW IT!  As it had been years since then, I tried putting on my big girl panties & saying that I didn’t want to know the truth because I spent years, literally, wondering & trying to actually believe that he WAS unfaithful just so I could be angry at & hate him for what he did to me & get over him that way.  It was easier to justify throwing away the greatest love I’d ever known by telling myself he was the worst thing to ever crawl the earth & getting myself to internalize him cheating on me.  I was afraid that I wouldn’t be strong enough to stand once again after undoing my false sense of security I had structured my life around since my reluctant resolution.  

Turns out, I was right: I couldn’t handle the truth.  Even though it was the truth I’d known in my heart all that time, just hearing him finally admit it & break down crying telling me he was so sorry for everything he’d done to us & that he’d never be able to forgive himself was more than I could bear.  It was all I’d wanted for years.  I finally got it, & my defenses sprang up like never before & I forced myself to stop seeing him.  I didn’t dare allow myself to fall into the same trap again.  

So what did I do?  I ran & fell madly, hurriedly, & falsely in love with another man who really did cheat on me every chance he got & lied & manipulated me from the get go.  Hey, that’s better than opening up the freshly repaired wound from Adolf, right?  (Clearly not.)

Three years later, we began talking once more.  I was finally moving out here to Los Angeles, & just HAD to see him one last time.  I finally felt I had a good head on my shoulders & both feet planted firmly on the ground.  I know who I am & can be around him without melting into a puddle again.  Adolf was actually finishing up recording a band in Michigan (what he does now that the band has disbanded) & wouldn’t be back for two weeks.  I was leaving in three & a half weeks.  In the meantime, we exchanged goofy quips via text.  Adolf’s schedule was really busy, as was mine in preparation for my move, but we both made time for each other.  I went to visit him, not expecting to spend the night, but to just come up for dinner & drinks.  I was so proud of myself being able to maintain composure.  In the past years, I couldn’t have been more proud of Adolf!  He has a license, a car, a successful recording business, lives in a house with his brother & another friend, is quitting smoking, doesn’t drink heavily any more, & has undergone psychological therapy.  He is now every bit the man I always saw deep within him.  Why, oh why does the world work out this way?  Just when we’re both at a point in our lives where we’re not only ready but actually capable of having a legitimate, solid, good relationship, I’m leaving.  I refused to emote any of this.  Conversely, it was he who couldn’t hold back.  I kept taking it with a grain of salt & seemingly dismissed it as nothing more than dumb luck.  

I have been out here in Los Angeles now for 6 months & we still keep in touch several times a week.  80% of the time, it’s him contacting me.  They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder & I can see that happening with us.  We often exchange fond sentiments for each other & gripe about how cruel it is that we’re now so far apart.  Adolf would never move his life for someone like I did for him so many years ago.  He even confirmed this, unless it was to be with me.  

WHAT?!

He said that he loves Los Angeles & it’s one of the few places in the country he’d consent to living.  (Years ago, this man claimed that, after seeing the entire country, he still just wanted to settle back in his hometown.)  Not to mention, his business would thrive with way more work out here.  The catalyst for actually coming here would be to be with me.

While I have Brian as a preferred reservation to “put a ring on it”, am dating around, liking Aaron, & even looking into Sugar Daddydome, make no mistake: I would give it all up for him.  I truly believe with all my heart that Adolf & I are soul mates.  He knows that I’m dating around & I know that he’s having occasional hook-ups back home, although we don’t often mention these things to each other.  He knows I’d give it all up for him, but has asked me not to let him derail me from having fun & finding happiness.  I’ve assured him that I’m not, although he will always come first.  Just the other day, he mentioned that he would give anything to be able to kiss me again.  We are currently trying, loosely, to arrange for him to come out here to spend time with me.  

Until that happens, let’s get back to my dinner conversation with Johnny.  

So I explain all of this to Johnny.  He looks at me with adoration & encourages me to continue having fun.  He backs up my decision to pursue a Sugar Daddy for the time being, but cautions me that if I decide to get serious with Aaron that I’m going to need to respect him enough to drop everyone else.  I agree that Aaron definitely deserves that….IF we get super serious.  He’s actually the friggen wrench in my system right now, actually: I’ve been able to separate my love for Adolf & my desire for security with Brian from my dating because both of those men are far away from me & are not making realistic moves to make something worthwhile actually happen.  Well, OK, Brian is flying me out monthly, but where is his communication between visits?  And while Adolf & I talk frequently, I can’t afford to hang up everything until that gains much more momentum too.  But here’s Aaron, being fun, sweet, &, probably most of all: accessible/convenient.  Dammit, that’s not convenient for me to continue to date around & see if I can’t get my inner gold digger to come to fruition right now, though.  I figure, I’m in a city with more rich people easily accessible to me than ever before & it’s only a matter of time until my youthful good looks abandon me, so it’s prime time I see about capitalizing on this.  I can’t get caught up in liking Aaron!  Can I?

I part with Johnny from dinner resolving to only accept sugar daddies that I’m actually interested in & where sex hasn’t even been brought up.  (I was to meet up with one of them this coming weekend, but he was so explicit & brash that I felt it was way too akin to prostitution so told him to keep his money & lose my number.)  I’m going to finish reading my Gold Digger’s book & try the tips out on some of the other guys who, while they may not be rich, may be able to be manipulated for my financial/materialistic gain, or, at the very least, practice.  Thanks, Johnny.  I really needed that dinner conversation.  

I was excited to sleep over at Aaron’s after that dinner, as I felt vindicated in pursuing a comfortable potential relationship with him (versus a sugar daddy), since I had told that one to kick rocks as I was driving home.  I felt renewed.  Mostly, I felt excited to be seeing a man who likes me for me & not what my body has to offer.  Not to mention, my hormones have been raging all week so I decided I might allow him access.  

Well, scratch that, as I just started my period once I got home.  Thanks for forcing me to stick to my 60 day rule, life.  I know…I’m horrible.  I’m so fickle at this moment in my life with men that it’s not even funny.  OK, well, maybe it is to you readers.  I’m just caught between sticking to my morals, getting myself involved in another relationship like I always used to do so easily, & wanting to release that inner sex goddess for my own personal gain (to Hell with standard conventions!)

Aaron excitedly kissed me as we sat on his bed talking lively.  Our time was spent chatting until 2am before I finally told him I needed to get some sleep, since I’d had late nights & long days all week.  The next morning I awoke annoyed once again that we hadn’t really cuddled at all throughout the night.  Erg.  I kissed him goodbye & went home to get ready for work.

xx,

Lilly Cat


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LADB #17

I reluctantly went to the Northridge Mall after work on Wednesday to meet up with Justin.  He is a 5’10″ Mexican nursing student who aspires to become an anesthesiologist.  I say “reluctantly” because this was not only my second coffee date in a row, but one I only went on because my night was free.  This kid was very excited & a bit pushy about scoring a date with me.  He is a promoter on the side for Club Excess, downtown.  His ideal, initial date would be for me to meet him at his club (of course I’d get in for free).  Really?  THAT’S your selling point?  Clearly he hasn’t had the opportunity to date a woman like me.  I don’t like being the one to suggest going to dinner because I don’t want to seem to them that that’s my prime objective (although with many of them it has been).  Then I have to ask myself, wait, why am I caring if I don’t plan to see them again afterward?  They’ll eventually figure out my angle anyway when I don’t call them back or tell them “I wasn’t really feeling it”.  *shrugs*

He kept me waiting for a little bit while he checked to see if he was catfished for a second time in a row by telling me to meet him downstairs whilst he scoped from upstairs.  Smart.  Yes, he admitted this to me (not smart) after he came downstairs to meet me in the lobby area of the mall, just outside Sears & Forever 21.  He has a very round face with a long, skinny nose.  He actually reminded me of Gru from one of my all-time favorite movies: Despicable Me.  So, yeah, no thanks.  He wore a black flat-brimmed hat with white writing on the underside of the brim, black t-shirt under a long-sleeved red & black checkered flannel-like shirt, black Dickies, & bright red cloth sneakers.  I actually really liked his sneaks.  

I was in my white booties, dark denim skinny jeans, & a cream white ruffled one-shoulder top with 1/2″ blue horizontal stripes under a gray motorcycle jacket.  I opted for no necklace to showcase the neckline of the top, but wore my square chunky bracelet & anchor earrings.  

We started to walk throughout the mall & I b-lined it to Starbucks.  Justin hesitated because 1. he didn’t want to wait in line & 2. he wasn’t ready for coffee just yet.  Or, in other words, 1. he’s broke & 2. he has ADD/restless leg syndrome & can’t sit still for a moment.  I was like, well, we were meeting for coffee, so I want some friggen coffee (despite being broke, myself)!  Alas, douche didn’t pay for my drink because of #1.  Stupid girl.  

I’m amazed that our date lasted for almost 2 hours for several reasons.  For one, I didn’t really like him.  He bounced around with our conversations all over the place (hence #2), although made an effort to get back to the topic at hand.  There were times when I had clearly finished what I had to say, but because he was so all over the place, he’d revert to, “but go on…” or “you were saying…”.  Once & a while, that’s alright, if you’re both engaged in conversation & you have something super relevant & fun to share.  Not this guy.  Although he’s educated, he’s pretty dumb & had very stupid questions to ask about things.  There came a point where he asked me what something was & it was so stupid that, although I knew the answer to it, I found myself dumbfounded & unable to answer it for being in sheer surprise at the question.  (Writing this now, 3 days later, I cannot recall what it was, so my apologies.) 

My favorite moment during this date was when he put my conversation on pause for a moment, saying, “I want to pause this for a second because I want to tell you something.  It’s really nice to talk to you because you have things to say; you’re not stupid.  You’re very SOCIALLY CALIBRATED.”  SOCIALLY CALIBRATED?!?!  Who says that?!  I couldn’t suppress my laughter.  Too bad for him, I wasn’t laughing as if it were a nice compliment that I didn’t know how to take.  

Another reason I’m surprised at how long the date went on was that this mall isn’t all that big.  We walked by soooo many sales!  I wish, after having started reading A Gold Digger’s Guide : How to Get What You Want, Without Giving it Up afterward, that I’d either read it beforehand, or gone out to the mall with a man I knew was a bit more affluent.  I mean, the entire Steve Madden store was 30% off!  I was drooling.  Justin kept saying we could go into the stores if I wanted, but why tempt myself with things I can’t afford when this dude’s not going to help me out?  We sat, briefly, 4 different times: once outside by a fountain until he had to go to the bathroom (& we hightailed it back to the same spot for a bit before antsy pants wanted to walk around some more, then to sit on a freezing cold bench outside towards the front entrance of the mall, and then inside to sit in front of a froyo shop.  As we were leaving the bench, Justin went to grab my hand to hold.  I immediately withdrew my hand to my side & was like, “umm, no”.  Humiliated, he remarked about how that was embarrassing.  By nature, despite not liking him, I still felt a need to smooth things over, so I told him it wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about; that I just take things slow (lies).  At this point, I was praying for the date to be over.  Luckily it was only about another 20 minutes until he mentioned he had to meet a friend at 8pm.  Good!

After wishing I could get back the last 2 hours of my life, I felt the evening needed to be redeemed.  On my drive home, I called Aaron to see what he was up to.  He said he was going to eat then go to the gym, but would like to see me after.  YES!  So I went home, made myself some food & tried to muster the energy to write this post, but fell asleep until my roommate, Tiernie, came home & introduced me to one of her new friends.  We chatted for a bit before I walked over to Aaron’s.  Good thing, because it gave me more energy to wake my ass up.  

He mentioned that he liked my boots when I got in.  Good.  He’s starting to learn to compliment me.  We ended up just cuddling with Dogler on his bed & fell asleep after watching 2 Kenny Vs. Spenny episodes.  I woke up the next morning late for work & Aaron offered to drive me home so I didn’t have to walk.  That was sweet of him!  I politely declined, not wanting to inconvenience him, & kissed him goodbye.  It’s nice to have a thoughtful man willing to wake up at the ass crack of dawn when he doesn’t have to, just to drive me 3 blocks home to save time for me in getting to work.

xx,

Lilly Cat


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LADB #16

Tonight’s date was short & sweet.  I finally met the Hungarian.  He was a bit smaller framed & not as tall as I was thinking he would be.  Oh!  & barely any accent at all.  If anything, he had a soft-spoken Californian accent.  Bummer.  He wore a gray hoodie over a darker blue/green shirt, blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up, & blue high tops.  I rocked black studded flat knee-high boots, black yoga pants, white studded belt with a heart with wings buckle, black girls’ t-shirt that says “Fender” on the front, & a black leather star-studded wrist band with heavy black eye shadow & a multiple chain necklace.  

The Hungarian stood up to hug me hello, but then I had to go in to Republic of Pie & get my own tea.  Erg.  We had a nice enough conversation, although he was quite soft-spoken at times.  He’s in the agricultural field where he basically goes to various farms & tests their soil quality & helps them achieve optimum organic growth.  We talked about that (he’s obviously VERY big on organic everything, although doesn’t mind a few bits of crap food here & there), as well as his German Shepherd puppy, & the fact that I’m just kind of browsing along & not really looking for a relationship, although am open to one.  

One of his first remarks was, “wow!  You actually look like your photos!”.  Turns out, I’m the first person he’s met offline, but all his friends were worrying him about getting catfished.  Actually, I’ve been hearing from many dudes that they’ve been catfished.  That just seems so pathetic to me.  I know I certainly don’t have time to play pretend, let alone care to play with someone like that.  Pointless, low self-esteem scum, if you ask me.  So lame.  

The evening went well, & the Hungarian was cute, but a bit too frail for my taste.  Besides, I’ve decided to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.  I’m on a free 3 day trial & so far, within the past 24 hours, have been straight up solicited for sex & other fetish fulfillments.  Hilarious.  But let’s be honest, this girl has bills to pay &, equipped with The Power of the Pussy & A Gold Digger’s Guide to Getting What You Want, combined with my struggling bank account & youthful good looks, it’s time to fish around in the bigger pond.  I’ve got a few prospects set up that I’m actually really turned on & excited about pursuing.  

Just to set the record straight about being in a Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship: not all Sugar Daddies are super old.  I’ve been finding a few, attractive guys who are only a few years older than me.  This should be interesting…..

xx,

Lilly Cat


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LADB #15

Aaron picked me up to return the favor of being a guest at a holiday party.  Now it was my turn.  We drove out to Simi Valley to see a friend of his whom he hasn’t seen in a few years.  It was an earlier party, since it was a Sunday evening, so we didn’t anticipate staying for very long.  

With his hand out to greet me as I hopped up into his truck, Aaron pulled me close for a hello kiss.  He was wearing black tennis shoes, dark gray casual dress pants, & a light blue/gray button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  It had a strategic horizontal zipper above one of the breast pockets & army straps on the shoulders.  I opted for flats this time, so as not to look odd to his friends.  I wore brown/gray studded gladiator sandals, brown dressy gauchos with a swirly white lace design at the waist, & a pink Candies t-shirt with ruching in 3 symmetrical spots in the front so that it looks like the opening of a curtain.  I kept my hair straight but put my big H&M flower on the left side of my head & pulled a small loose twist/braid to the right side.  I classed it up by wearing my grandmother’s pearl cluster earrings & necklace & keeping my makeup neutral with shades of pink.  

I realized I’m still waiting to hear him say something along the lines of my looking nice.  Erg.  Regardless, I enjoy our dynamic, so I’ll let it slide for a little while longer, I suppose.  

When we arrived to the house party, we were already in yet another charming conversation that has the two of us chattering back & forth.  Aaron was very good at introducing me to everyone he knew within a few moments of greeting (or being greeted by) them.  It’s so nice to have that!  So many douchebags I’ve dated before never did & always claimed “oh, yeah, I’m really bad at that”.  No.  You just didn’t care enough, you narcissistic jerks!

Anyhoo, back to a non-douchebaggy guy…

One of Aaron’s old bandmates ended up chatting us up the whole evening.  He’s actually from the same area as I am!  It was nice to have someone there other than Aaron with whom I had a lot already established in common with.  It made it easier to establish myself as someone who belonged at the party, & not just as someone’s guest.  As the evening progressed, I ventured out to chat with all kinds of people there.  

They had a giant array of tacos & desserts in the kitchen.  Another woman & I found ourselves musing over the hosts’ homemade pumpkin cheesecake with maple topping & pecan pralines.  Omm nom nom nom nom!!!  Finally, the hostess came by to cut it.  Heaven!  Pure heaven!  I wanted to scarf that whole thing in my face hole.  Very much anticipating that to not last much longer once word got out how scrumptious that was, as well as an attempt to be cute, I fed a piece of it to Aaron, since he was still eating tacos.  He enjoyed it too, although prefaced his bite by saying he figured he’d still be able to get a piece.  I’m glad he didn’t decline the bite for that reason.  By him accepting it, even though he wasn’t ready for dessert, showed me that he respects my feelings.  I smile, & then go to remark how great it is, & that’s when I embarrass myself.  

Only 2 beers & lots of food in, & my Pacifico goes flying out of my hand as I made a slightly enthusiastic gesture.  The beer grazed the fellow cheesecake aficionado’s boot.  Luckily she was fine & didn’t even bat an eyelash at the incident.  The hostess was right there when it happened too, so immediately the three of us got down & picked up the mess.  Aaron jokes, “Ooh, she’s cut off.  Don’t worry everyone, she’s cut off.”  I laughed it off, knowing he was joking, but I still refrained from drinking for a little while longer after the fact, just to downplay any perception of “the drunk girl”.  The host immediately said, “someone get that girl another beer!”  I politely declined.  Luckily, Aaron & I were the only two who held off on the alcohol.  I’m relatively sure no one remembered that incident other than us today, given their inability to stand up straight by the time we left.  

At one point towards the end of the party, Aaron left me to my charms & personality on the porch by the fire pit to chat with the host & other friends while he went to the bathroom.  When he came back, he found me pleasantly engaged in conversation with them.  One fella was so drunk that he was wobbling all over the place, asking the host for his keys.  I was happy to see he refused to even acknowledge where they might be (although it was obvious he had taken them from him earlier).  Previously I had witnessed him groping the host’s girlfriend.  Well, sort of.  It was obvious he didn’t realize what he was doing, as his hands would constantly move up & down, to & from her boobs as he held her from either behind as they walked outside & he struggled to maintain his balance.  So it came as no surprise to me when he came up behind me & did the same thing.  The host just smiled & reinforced that he’s harmless.  I figured as much & was prepared to take any corrective action that may have been necessary.  

No need.  

Aaron immediately came up & stood close to me, in between the two of us.  No real look of pleasure or contempt upon his face.  Just stood there while the host & I continued our conversation.  I realized what he was doing & I appreciated it.  That’s the first time a guy I’ve been with has ever noticed something happening that shouldn’t (regardless of how menial it may be) & did something about it.  It would have been nice if he had put his arm around me or held my hand (I found it slightly odd that he didn’t), but it was still nice to see his protective nature spring up.  Later, on the ride home, we talked about that & I mentioned my gratitude.

As we left the party, much later than we had anticipated, the host walked us out, inviting us to future pool parties & outings on his boat & plane.  Yep.  Rich dude.  I wouldn’t mind doing that.  Sticking around Aaron is relatively effortless, so perchance it won’t be a difficult task to continue to be dating by the time weather allows for that.  

The first moment we were totally alone, Aaron remarks, “everyone loved talking to you!”  Aww!  That was so nice to hear!  Reassurance that I was accepted & the evening was a good time.  Yay!  In truth, I’m pretty sure I was more of a social butterfly at the party amongst total strangers (to me) than he was amid friends & acquaintances.  I wasn’t expecting him to say that, so it was a nice reinforcement that the night went well.  

I did find it funny, however, that every time people asked how we met, he would answer that we live down the street from each other.  Well, while that is true, that’s not how we met.  I had no problem sticking to that story & even proactively answered it to someone before he had the chance.  I meant to mention that to him on the way home, but our conversations go all over the place, so it slipped my mind.

Being lost in conversation as we neared our homes (Aaron was talking), I notice he’s not slowing down to turn on my street.  I said, “so, I guess I’m not going home tonight?” He didn’t hear me.  We get out at his place in his garage.  I’m OK with that because it’s not that late out & maybe he wanted to just unwind for a little bit with me before taking me home.  

Once inside his place, we settle in his bedroom & he begins to take off his sneakers.  My gladiator sandals are a pain in the ass to take on/off because of their multiple buckles, so prior to attempting to, I reiterate, “So, I’m not going home tonight, then, am I?”  He starts laughing & said I can if I want to; he realized that he totally passed my place as we pulled into his garage but didn’t want to say anything because he felt stupid, so since I didn’t say anything right away (that he heard), he didn’t want to out himself as having been on autopilot & having a blond moment.  Adorbs.  I do that ALL the damn time.  Before I even had a chance to say it, he said, “I’ve even shown up to the wrong place of work before because of that,”  Yep.  Me too.  Weird.  I keep thinking but then try to repress it for the sake of not getting too attached & continuing my dating escapades, but we’re pretty fricken alike & kind of good for one another…as it seems so far.  Dorks.

I allowed that a sleepover would be fine.  We talked for a little while longer before agreeing to put on 1 episode of Kenny Vs. Spenny & then hitting the hay.  Well, that didn’t work.  The episode ended with Kenny falling off of a segway.  Fucking.  Hsterical.  We were dying!  So, naturally, after a few minutes of trying to catch our breath, I tell him to YouTube people falling off segways.  Sure enough, there was a montage.  For the next 5 minutes we were laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes.  

OK, so now how do I go from that to sleeping?  Why, making out, naturally, right?!  Ha!  Things progressed further this time & we found ourselves topless.  I refused to go beyond that.  He made two attempts for more, but I stuck to my guns, as The Power of the Pussy repeated over & over in my head: 2 month minimum!  Ack!  Another month to go.  

I DID, however, get to put my fears/curiosity at ease: it appears Aaron really is mostly white & not so much Chinese in the below the belt situation.  (He sleeps in his underwear & so had gotten comfy just prior to the make out session.)  I can work with this when the time comes.  Ideal?  No.  But manageable.  I know that sounds awful to say, but ladies, let’s be honest, no matter how much we like a guy, there’s always that fear of, “oh god, I hope he’s not too small!”  in the back of our heads…ESPECIALLY if we like the guy.  Nothing worse than being really into a dude to find he’s just ill equipped.  To be fair, I’m sure guys have the same thoughts when it comes to the size of our tits or how tight the space is between our legs.  So I feel no shame or guilt in just putting my share of the concerns out there.  If you’re offended, then I suggest you grow some self confidence if you can’t seem to grow much elsewhere.

In any event, to cut him off, I told him, “I’m not trying to be a tease.  I just like you & don’t want to rush anything.”  He DID say, “I don’t think this is rushing anything,” to which my established sense of humor came into play by retorting, “Of course YOU don’t…you’re a dude!”.  Luckily, not only does he get my sense of humor, but he also respects me, so continued to converse with me a little while longer before I kissed him goodnight & snuggled up with my head on his chest, providing a physical indication that it was now time for sleep & nothing else.  Still, this man has not pushed back or fought me on my little demands (limiting how much “fun” we have, saying when it’s bedtime).  Hmm…..

Fast forward to this morning & my alarm never rang!  I woke up at the exact time I should have been leaving my apartment for work.  I redressed & kissed him on the cheek.  To my surprise, he asked me if I wanted him to give me a ride home.  I super appreciated that, but I didn’t want to have to wait for him to get up out of bed & dressed too, even though, combined with the ride, that would have still taken up less time than my walk home did.  Guess the larger part of it was that I didn’t want to inconvenience him.  Weird.  I’m trying to learn how to be selfish & take every opportunity for a guy to do something for me, & yet here I am, denying a ride because I’m starting to care for this guy.  Help!

xx,

Lilly Cat

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